My Green Story

I am someone who loves to care for people. I believe anyone who knows me personally can attest to this. I am a natural born nurturer and also a provider. I learned at an early age to be independent, self reliant and self sufficient.

For this reason, I would have never considered myself to be someone that could be codependent. I understood codependency as a requirement of an excessive amount of support or reliance on a partner to take care of you.

That has never been me. I have always taken care of myself and even others. I didn’t require anyone to do anything for me. In fact, I have often not felt adequately emotionally supported by those who I had previous romantic relationships with. So I definitely was NOT codependent. Right?

Wrong!

Upon further self reflection, I realized that I needed to get real about a couple of things. Pouring so much into others and leaving nothing left for myself went beyond a natural born provider and nurturer. I had to accept that the “need to be needed” is a form of codependence.

What do you do when you discover such a hard truth about yourself?

You work it out in therapy.

You unpack.

You un-learn.

You re-learn.

The journey is arduous but necessary.

🖤🤎❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

As for me, I had to also repurpose some of that energy.

And so, First and foremost, I spend more time with God. 🙏🏾

I added to and became consistent in self care routines: Meditating, reading, and exercising twice a day. 🌹

I have begun social justice work. Mostly made up of frequent phone calls and emails to elected officials. I do not delight in this work. I pray for a day it isn’t necessary. Until that day, I m committed to doing my part.✊🏾

I have strengthened relationships that are mutually beneficial. This is important because it means if I am pouring into someone, they are also pouring back into me. 💜

Lastly, I have discovered a love for plants. ☘️

I am an unlikely budding plant lady. I formerly considered myself to have a brown thumb (I killed a plant once before I even got it home from the nursery-true story).

First plant was a ZZ. It was a gift from my friend and plant mentor Queen Bri in October 2019 after I lost my Mom. I was grieving and so focused on just keeping it alive I didn’t enjoy it. Now with LOTS of her help, they are not just surviving but thriving.

I have discovered new and healthy ways to satisfy this “need to be needed” while I work on ridding myself of it altogether.

For now, I focus on the following:

God needs me, my people need me, my plants need me and I need me. I can live with that!

Every time I look around I am reminded that despite what I have been through, I am not broken.
Love STILL Grows Here.

This is the beginning of my green story!
Stay Tuned! 🍀☘️🌿🌱🌵☘️🍀🌿🌱